How To Improve Every Relationship

Few things disappoint me more than leaving a conversation upset. I chastise myself. I stew over it and am ashamed that I acted without composure.

Why do we get upset in conversations? Is it because the other person has a different opinion? Is it because they attacked you?

Notice that the question was, 'how do WE get upset?' and the answers had to do with how THEY behaved.

There lays the problem. We project how we want them to act and deflect the responsibility of our own emotions. The source of our suffering is our inability to approach life with equanimity, not what they said or did.

Instead of projecting how we want life to happen, we should simply observe everything that comes our way. Without judgment.

Going forward, the key isn't to reflect on this after the fact. It's to go into every situation with this behaviour firmly planted in our minds. This will eliminate the inevitable noise associated with anger and frustration. It will also create space in our interactions for a sharing of perspectives and ideas, without the fear of judgment or reprisal.

QUIET THE NOISE (in action): write down how you want to approach your next difficult conversation. Read it every morning for a week. Journal how your next conversation goes. Rinse and repeat.
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